Stormy Speaks

Stormy Weather is opry.com's exclusive columnist. A veteran, though self-described "young and trendy music industry insider," Stormy takes readers along as she moves gracefully within Nashville’s elite inner circles and shares her own first-hand observations, take-no-prisoners opinions and juicy commentary on the movers and shakers inside Music City's illustrious entertainment industry. Read it from Stormy like you won't read it anywhere else.

Stormy Speaks:  Real Estate, Romance & Babies

With a weekend celebration of our nation’s independence just around the corner, Stormy can’t help but think of hotdogs on the grill, some ice-cold lemonade and homemade ice cream.  And if she could make homemade ice cream anywhere, she’d get crankin’ in Alan Jackson’s 19,000-square-foot home that recently went on the market. 

This surely isn’t the first time that Stormy has addressed the variety of country music star’s homes that are on the market.  While Stormy has been busy trying to pre-qualify for one of these humble little abodes, she’s noticed that country stars sure do have a lot of bathrooms. 

Keep in mind, Stormy gets by all alone in her charming little cottage with just one bathroom.  It’s plenty of room for Stormy to wash and dry her unmentionables.  The little one is hardly big enough to turn around in but last-summer’s redecorating project was really over the top.  It’s got a relaxing ocean theme, complete with sea shells Stormy collected at a clam bake in Key West, but that’s another story for another time.

LeAnn Rimes' house has six bathrooms and three half-baths.  As last she heard, it was just LeAnn and her hubby Dean in that big ole house.  That’s two bathrooms per person and one and a half half-baths, or powder rooms as Stormy is inclined to say, per person.  Comparatively, Alan and his wife Denise have three daughters.  Granted, one is away at college, but for the sake of this argument, let’s assume she’ll be home this summer.  So that family of five lives in a home with seven bathrooms and two half baths.  If Stormy’s math is on the money, that’s … well … the odds aren’t as good of finding an empty bathroom at the Jackson hacienda as they are at the Rimes residence.  Now, an even better statement that more is more is the former Kenny Chesney home of nine-thousand-plus square feet that is currently on the market.  It boasts four bathrooms and two half-bathrooms.  That’s almost a bathroom for every day of the week. 

Stormy can only focus on math for so long.  Let’s see, summertime.  School’s out for Reba McEntire’s son Shelby who graduated high school.  Josh Turner and wife Jennifer didn’t even get two-year-old Hampton in preschool before their second son Colby Lynch Turner arrived last Friday.  Stormy thinks the Turners should plan some playdates with fellow Opry member Brad Paisley and wife Kim and their newborn, Jasper, and little Huck.  And ladies, Lady Antebellum’s Charles Kelley is officially off the market, having married last week in Nashville. SHeDaisy, remember them, the three sisters who sing about the funny little Buddha man?  Lead singer Kassidy Osborn tied the knot in California recently.  Stormy didn’t see a single daisy in any of the wedding photos.  And Stormy loves to see a grown man cry, and two grown men crying, all the better.  That’s exactly what she got at Montgomery Gentry’s recent Opry induction of on June 23.  Oh, Eddie and Troy cried like babies. 

Stormy’s got to hit the grocery store and the fireworks stand and, of course, scrub the bathroom before her holiday weekend guests arrive.  Nothing puts a damper on the Fourth of July festivities like mold and mildew!  Until next time, Stormy says “Happy Birthday, America!”  Oh, and Bettie Lou says, “Hug a soldier if you see one!”