Stormy Speaks

Stormy Weather is opry.com's exclusive columnist. A veteran, though self-described "young and trendy music industry insider," Stormy takes readers along as she moves gracefully within Nashville’s elite inner circles and shares her own first-hand observations, take-no-prisoners opinions and juicy commentary on the movers and shakers inside Music City's illustrious entertainment industry. Read it from Stormy like you won't read it anywhere else.

Be sure to stop back each week for the latest Nashville Star update in Stormy Speaks.

No Coffey on the Nashville Star Menu

Settle in and and enjoy Stormy’s next-to-last review of Melissa, Gabe, Coffey and Shawn, all of whom returned to their hometowns for a concert.

After signing 500 autographs at the local mall, Shawn returned fired up and proclaiming “I’m Here For The Party.” Stormy is reminded of yet another Gretchen Wilson song--”You Don’t Have To Go Home (But You Can’t Stay Here.) “The Dance” was a bit better. Could Judge Jeffrey have appealed to the audience on Shawn’s behalf any more? We get it; she had dental issues this week. She lives to sing another week.

Some 10,000 enthusiastic fans turned out to see Gabe in concert where he received a key to the city. Do those keys actually open anything? As Gabe sang “It’s Five O’Clock Somewhere,” Stormy was instantly transported to a beach, a little umbrella drink in her hand and sand between her toes. That’s the power of a great performer, or perhaps it was the popcorn that Bettie Lou spilled that Stormy felt beneath her feet. Either way, Gabe had his game on! In case you didn’t hear him, Gabe reminded us a couple of times in the clips that he left a good job in the city, working for the man, to do Nashville Star. And it paid off! To top things off, he made Kenny Chesney's "Living in Fast Forward" even better than the original. Love that.

Who knew Coffey had celebrity fans in his hometown of Los Angeles? Patricia Heaton, Sinbad. That cutie pie little girl of his is reason enough to like Coffey, and he mentors young people. He seems like a salt-of-the-earth kind of guy, but he simply cannot sing. Stormy is willing to overlook those sweaty pits you sported during “Sweet Home Alabama.” Honestly, that’s a lie; Stormy can’t overlook those because there are at least half a dozen ways to prevent that from happening. In the end, what a gracious loser this guy was! Stormy is going to miss her Monday Coffey. As for Coffey, he’s probably going to need a stronger beverage after missing the final three.

Of course, if Melissa’s husband and five boys showed up for her Arlington, Texas, concert, it was an instant crowd. Add to that several hundred other people, and it was an event. And she got one of those keys, too. Melissa did disappoint Stormy with “Hit Me With Your Best Shot.” Her delivery was stellar, but Stormy was really counting on a country tune, and then Melissa delivered. “Jesus Take The Wheel,” complete with all the high notes. Um, could Jewel make America feel any more guilty about voting for this mother of five? If she wins, it hardly means she’s abandoning her kids, Jewel. Well, maybe for a few weeks she might because, let’s face it, what woman in her right mind wouldn’t enjoy a little respite from a house full of boys and a husband?

Was Jewel depressed about her new short bob? Was she sullen over the loss of her locks? She just seemed so . . . depressed about everything. Judging by that red satin jacket he was sporting, John Rich must have just completed the photo shoot for his 2008 Christmas card. Forget the presidential campaign. Katie Cook for Host in 2009! Sorry, BRC. Stormy loves you, she really does, but there’s more to this hosting gig than meets the eye. Like the teleprompter, when your eyes meet the teleprompter, read faster.

Gabe, Melissa and Shawn. The three remaining Nashville Star finalists. Stormy is a nervous wreck at the possibility of next week’s outcome. Plus, she and Bettie Lou don’t have a thing to wear. While Stormy and Bettie Lou hit the mall, America, hit the phone lines and crown the next Nashville Star. Get excited!!