Stormy Speaks

Stormy Weather is opry.com's exclusive columnist. A veteran, though self-described "young and trendy music industry insider," Stormy takes readers along as she moves gracefully within Nashville’s elite inner circles and shares her own first-hand observations, take-no-prisoners opinions and juicy commentary on the movers and shakers inside Music City's illustrious entertainment industry. Read it from Stormy like you won't read it anywhere else.

Be sure to stop back each week for the latest Nashville Star update in Stormy Speaks.

Ashlee Gets the Door as Nashville Star Field Narrows to Four

America, what have you done?  Cute, blonde Ashlee, who has shown that, among this year’s competition, she possesses more marketable talent than most, is gone?  On the other hand, Coffey, remains, like a mocha grand latte stain on Stormy’s favorite shirt.  Stormy wants to believe that she’s as sympathetic as the next person, and she is.  She wants to understand the viewing audience’s need to rally around Coffey after he received that tongue lashing three weeks ago from the judges.  Let’s be honest:  Coffey is weak, at best.  Like the cup of Joe one finds at an all-night diner where the owner skimps on beans to save money.  It’s watered down coffee that you set aside and do your best to choke down the diner’s day-old apple pie, convinced that something better will come along.

Stormy and Bettie Lou tried their best to follow along with the lyrics of “Southern Man,” hoping to find some insight into exactly who Coffey really is.  The resounding message has something to do with a frying pan and being your man; something about the woods and the ‘hood.  The one positive aspect of Coffey’s performance was that it clearly made Stormy feel better about herself as a writer. 

Just like a breath of fresh air, Melissa Lawson took the stage and turned the tide on what Stormy was afraid was sure to be a gully washer of a show featuring the contestants’ original tunes that showcased their songwriting talents.  Melissa, who confessed that she’s only been writing for a few months, simply dazzled Stormy with “Ready To Stand.”  Indeed you are, honey!  If Stormy heard you correctly, you said you’re “ready to go and show the world.”  Well, bring it on Melissa!  The world is ready and waiting to see it. 

The uphill climb continued with Gabe “Giddy Up” Garcia who found himself with his tune “Lost Weekend.”  The judges challenged Gabe to find his connection with the audience.  Personally, Stormy thinks that Gabe is strategically planning to pull out the stops next week.  He’s going to lock eyes with the crowd, cradle them in his charming delivery and rock their worlds with his performance. 

Stormy thought that Ashlee Hewitt was channeling a little inner Taylor Swift with Ashlee’s song “Mike’s Hard Lemonade.”  However, our sweet little Taylor would be nearly the last person to invoke a “hickey” in a song.  Taylor’s just too classy for that kind of trash talk.  Granted, Ashlee was a little pitchy as she tried to follow John Rich’s advice to enunciate.  Still, she displayed enough talent to leave Stormy with two words of encouragement for the now departed Ashlee:  Miranda Lambert. 

Shawn Mayer, who Stormy was certain would get the Nashville Star boot, lives to sing another week, propelled into the next to last show with her ode to an old boyfriend tune “I’m Not Looking Back.”  Another place Shawn isn’t looking is perhaps the mirror because that makeup is getting more biker chick with every passing week.  Faith, Martina, Carrie, neither of these women feel the need to go all Morticia Adamms on us. 

Stormy loved the judges’ performance, and she’s certain the male contingency enjoyed Jewel’s skirt—or lack thereof.  Good rule of thumb for television, Jewel:  one’s skirt should be longer than one’s earrings. And Jeffrey, Bettie Lou loved his performance of “The Cowboy in Me.”  More specifically, it’s the cowboy in you that Bettie Lou loves the most about you.  And John Rich, as long as Stormy is tossing out fashion advice, what’s up with that black satin jacket?  Stormy has seen waiters who were better dressed.  Finally, Miss Katie Cook, by the way, you look fabulous each and every week.  Stormy’s convinced that Katie is simply auditioning to host next season’s Nashville Star!  Speaking of hosts, Billy Ray was present.  Really, that’s all Stormy can say.  Perhaps having all those kids in his house helps him to console the loser and encourage the winner.  But if his enthusiasm is any kind of barometer as to the future of Nashville Star, this does not bode well for the show’s future.

Of course, Stormy was thrilled to see the final five enjoy their mentoring sessions on stage at the Grand Ole Opry House.  However, Stormy found it awkward as pop star Jewel played hostess, welcoming her apprentices to the Opry stage as if she were inviting them into her home.  Granted, the Opry stage is a welcoming environment, but shouldn’t someone have shown Jewel the pop star around first?  Stormy knows enough to know that Jewel doesn’t know the Opry House well enough to know where they keep the lemonade mix and the snacks.   

With two weeks to go (who thought we’d ever make it this far?), Coffey, Melissa, Gabe and Shawn shift it into high gear next week on the way to the finals.  One doesn’t have to read between the lines to see where Stormy lands on the finals, but it’s read “Melissa and Gabe all the way.”  Stormy has her fingers crossed until next week.  Here’s hoping that BRC can muster up some crazy enthusiasm to get us through.