Stormy Speaks

Stormy Weather is opry.com's exclusive columnist. A veteran, though self-described "young and trendy music industry insider," Stormy takes readers along as she moves gracefully within Nashville’s elite inner circles and shares her own first-hand observations, take-no-prisoners opinions and juicy commentary on the movers and shakers inside Music City's illustrious entertainment industry. Read it from Stormy like you won't read it anywhere else.

Be sure to stop back each week for the latest Nashville Star update in Stormy Speaks.

If You Promise Double Elimination, Shouldn’t Two Nashville Star Contestants Go Home?

Another exciting (cough, cough) Nashville Star week, and it’s another theme show. Joy, joy. This week, the contestants are wooing voters with “love songs.” Love, the common thread, masterfully interwoven throughout some of, if not most, of country music’s most beautiful, heartfelt and certainly popular songs.

While Stormy has admitted that she doesn’t like theme shows, she does have a suggestion for the producers. A theme show where the contestants must sing country songs. Honest-to-goodness, real-live country songs, with fiddles and everything. The real deal. Pretend Merle Haggard is in the audience, and he’s going to kick some butt if anyone strays from the topic. Now that’s a theme show Stormy can roll with. Of course, Stormy did some research on the Nashville Star website, only to discover the following statement: "Nashville Star" is the grassroots talent search to find America's next great music star. The word “country” is surprisingly missing.

Thank goodness Stormy’s best girlfriend Bettie Lou is in total agreement; otherwise, these weekly visits to the Acuff Theatre would really be awkward. Now, did BL and Stormy miss something? The website clearly stated that it was another week of double elimination. What gives? Who’s in charge here?

Ashlee chose a song, “Cowboy Take Me Away,” that Jewel could easily relate to, with that cutie-pie professional cowboy Ty Murray boyfriend of hers. Well, as Stormy has said before: thank goodness Ashlee is cute. And Stormy is still convinced that John Rich has a huge crush on Ashlee. But, she did sing a country song, so that’s one automatic point for her.

“Giddy Up” Gabe simply melted Stormy’s heart with “Must Be Doing Something Right.” Oh, yeah! It surely did everything right for Stormy. Thank goodness Stormy had a commercial break which provided adequate recovery time. Stormy doesn’t need binoculars to see a clear winner emerging here. Also, Gabe gets one point for singing an actual country song.

You know that line in “It's Your Love,” “it just does something to me”? Well, Coffey’s performance did something to Stormy. When Stormy’s doctor told her she had to give up coffee because it was making her edgy and irritable and agitated, well, that’s what Coffey’s performance did to Stormy. And then John Rich says that performance showed that Coffey is a real human being because he cried. Well, Stormy and Bettie Lou didn’t know that it was the search for America’s next real human being. Bettie Lou said, “There’s no crying in Nashville Star.” Well, if Coffey hadn’t cried, both Bettie Lou and Stormy would have. They may still. Coffey still gets one point for singing a country song. Not that Stormy is one to criticize, but, well, perhaps she is, so she’ll ask: Is this really an appropriate song to sing for your mother? Just asking.

Melissa, Stormy loves you just the way you are! That beautiful rendition of Martina McBride’s "My Baby Loves Me" was superb. The audience went wild. How dare those judges attack Melissa like that? You don’t scare this woman; she has five children. Yes, Melissa gets one point for singing a country song.

Stormy endured Laura & Sophie’s version of “Picture to Burn” simply because she’s a huge Taylor Swift fan. As far as Stormy is concerned, you’ve got so much to learn. John Rich finally called these two on the carpet for immaturity and bad manners. You didn’t know you were rolling your eyes at the judge, girlie? Whatever! You two don’t even get one point for singing a country song. Sorry. Stormy made the rules, and she can do whatever she wants. And Stormy was rolling her eyes as she typed this.

You’re gonna sing “Before He Cheats” “for all of us,” Shawn? Well, Stormy can take care of herself, girlfriend. Shawn’s performance made Stormy want to take a Louisville Slugger to her own head and put an end to the misery of that performance. To Stormy, Shawn’s singing is always like banging her head against a wall: it feels better when she stops. This isn’t a love song; come on now! Stormy is actually deducting one point for failure to comply to a theme show rule.

Again, what happened to double elimination? Only Laura and Sophie are going home? Is a duo considered a double elimination? Did you see Laura lean over and whisper into Sophie’s ear? Wanna bet Laura was telling Sophie, “It was all your fault!” Bettie Lou feels confident that’s what was whispered. Oh, the strains on this young friendship.

Bettie Lou said she was going to sit in the Acuff Theatre until another performer was sent home because they promised a double elimination. After about ten minutes, though, Stormy convinced Bettie Lou to go to FUSE, the fantastic new club at the Gaylord Opryland Resort. More next week on just how that went, plus we get to hear original compositions. Stormy can’t wait!