Stormy Speaks

Stormy Weather is opry.com's exclusive columnist. A veteran, though self-described "young and trendy music industry insider," Stormy takes readers along as she moves gracefully within Nashville’s elite inner circles and shares her own first-hand observations, take-no-prisoners opinions and juicy commentary on the movers and shakers inside Music City's illustrious entertainment industry. Read it from Stormy like you won't read it anywhere else.

Be sure to stop back each week for the latest Nashville Star update in Stormy Speaks.

Very Few Fireworks Mark This Week's Nashville Star

Oh, family night! How appropriate as Stormy gets ready to jet off to her own annual family reunion. Wilma’s potato salad, fireworks, mosquitos, oh, Stormy can hardly wait. This week’s episode got Stormy all fired up to see the family. Even Aunt Vesta Mae, one of Stormy’s biggest fans. Aunt Vesta still uses dial up, so it takes her half of Tuesday morning to read each week’s column. And you should know, Stormy certainly appreciates that kind of devotion.

Ashlee Hewitt, an “untapped natural resource” according to Judge John Rich, increased her carbon footprint last night as she spewed of mediocrity on “Don’t Stop Believin’.” Thankfully, Ashlee found her country roots with “Help Me Make It Through the Night.” “Help me make it through this year’s competition,” Stormy says.

Where did that vibrato in Coffey’s voice suddenly come from on “Hey, Good Lookin’”? Are you sure Hank done it this a way, Coffey? In an old antique store, Stormy once came across this 1960s exercise devise for women that involved a belt around the midsection. It was electric-powered and, for lack of a better explanation, it jiggled the fat away. Coffey sounded as if he was on that apparatus when he sang last night. One would have thought it was all over for Coffey last night, but after that brutal tongue lashing from the judges, the fans will rally around him for sure! Coffey failed to redeem himself on the John Denver classic “Take Me Home Country Road.”

Oh, that tearful reunion between Tommy Stanley and his dad made Stormy weep. Luckily she had a tissue because so did his performance of “God Bless the Broken Road.” Again, the judges were brutal, and Stormy must concur. But Stormy did appreciate the sailors; what a pleasant surprise! Men in uniform. They were the highlight of Tommy’s performance. Although Stormy enjoyed that little snippet of “Tiny Dancer” marginally better than the first song, .

“I’ll Still Be Lovin’ You” was by far Pearl Heart’s strongest performance to date. However, did they have to admit that they weren’t familiar with the original version, the Restless Heart chart topper? Mere babies. Stormy still agrees with Bettie Lou. PH just reminds her of high school chorus. Stormy thinks they have a really strong future on the prom circuit.

Melissa Lawson chose “This One’s for the Girls,” perhaps an unlikely choice for a mother of five boys. Slingin’ a little guitar, it was a homerun! Melissa’s finest moment thus far in this competition. You go girl! And then a little “Landslide” as a bonus. No landslide in sight; Melissa is on top of her vocal mountain.

Shawn Mayer apparently doesn’t know how much Stormy dislikes the song “Breathe.” Then again, she didn’t ask. But had she asked, Stormy would have told her that song just kind of lays there, a lot like Faith Hill does out in the desert in that video she did. At this point in the show, Stormy is so disappointed she wants to leave. The presence of country music in this compassion is weak, and Shawn didn’t help matters very much. Oh, a few token lines of “Forever and Ever, Amen.” Too little, too late.

Bettie Lou, fortunately, was able to convince Stormy to stay for the rest of “Family Night.” Stormy was ready to divorce each and every one of them. Better yet, get a restraining order. Oh, the humanity in Stormy’s decision to stay. But the payoff was a performance by Blake Shelton, Stormy’s personal crush from last season.

Saddle up his steel horse, because Gabe “Giddy Up” Garcia kicked up some serious dust on “Dead or Alive.” Loved it! Is he wanted? Yes, indeed. Then one of Stormy’s all-time favorite George Strait tunes, “The Fireman.” Smolderin’ hot, Gabby! You put the sizzle back in this otherwise watered down country music competition.

Poor Alyson Gilbert, just what she needed, a stage mom who felt the need to offer advice. Poor Alyson, she just phoned in her performance of “She’s in Love with the Boy.” Phoned it in. Long distance. Collect.

Laura and Sophie sort of stomped all over “Walkin’ on Sunshine.” Startin’ to feel good? Not so much. Stormy wasn’t feelin’ it. At all. Family harmony is such a precious thing. The Judds had it. The Forrester Sisters had it before them. The Carter Family had it before them. They all had it. Laura and Sophie just don’t. “Because of You” sounded like these two should have been in a car, driving down the highway, singing in the backseat. Unfortunately, it makes Stormy soooo car sick.

The moment Stormy lives for: America winnows the field down by yet another. Billy Ray sets the stage for a dramatic finale. America waits patiently. It’s an unfortunately awkward amount of time before BRC finally makes this annoucement. Awkward moments are not that unusual on this show, as BRC appears to be reading his cue cards for the first time, every time.

Alyson’s Nashville Star journey ran out of over-priced gas. Stormy predicts that Laura and Sophie are in the next car out of here.

And on that sad note, Stormy must make her famous deviled eggs and head to her own family day! Who’s going home in the first five minutes next week? Stormy can’t wait to dish about it. In the words of the Opry’s magnificent Martina McBride, “it’s Independence Day.” Until next week, my little fire crackers!